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Lori Romero's Editor's Pick
Powerlines
by JDGuilford

flashquake, Winter 2005/2006, Vol. 5, Iss. 2

This story has an insightful, direct honesty that says so much in a small space. The powerful imagery stayed with me long after the read.


 

They come to me suddenly, swift and unexpected as slaps, the memories do. I live alone now, in an apartment booby-trapped with recollection. Occasionally, I stumble onto an artifact and am blown backwards in time-space. The body remains frozen. Paralyzed. But the mind. Well, the mind tumbles, falls. Suddenly I am somewhere else – a concert, a coffee house, a diner – and he is there, David is, with his sharp nose and irrefutable blue eyes. I see him smile, hear some lilt of conversation. I watch him make circles on the tablecloth with his fork. I watch him scoot forward in his chair. Then, just as suddenly, the molecules of memory dissolve, and I am back, in hard-edged now. The absence of him, a fat, dull headache, pulsates behind my eyes.

Sometimes I get a flash of detail I did not know I noticed. Once it was the swaths of hair on his wrists. Another time it was the way he crossed his arms compulsively – the darkened area in the crux of his elbows.

Today, in the bathroom, a fizz of shaving cream, its sweet, camphoric smell, and I am snatched backwards, into this same bathroom, into a morning two years ago just before the lesions and pneumonia, into a fight, with David. We are yelling at each other, something about eggs, about cracking them or not cracking them on the countertop. It is a ludicrous, nothing fight: a statement turned debate turned argument turned name-calling. I make a show of turning away from him, brushing my teeth vigorously. Humming. He scoops a cloud of shaving crème from his chin and flicks it on my tie. Asshole, I hiss through a mouthful of toothpaste. You're such a fucking asshole. He lowers his eyelids and glowers, a stray dog face – his attempt at a comical apology. Enraged, I look past him, out the bathroom window, at billboards, at the various shadows of buildings, at power lines slicing the sky like razors.


JDGuilford is either black and gay, or gay and black depending on the slant of his politics on any particular day. Much of his writing deals with the subtext of identity politics and the conspiracy of silence – a type of patronage/enabling he feels is especially poisonous in the black homosexual community. His essay, Pimp Juice, will appear in Haworth's presses anthology, Identity Envy. Guilford lives in New York City, and can be reached by e-mail at JDGuilfordNY@aol.com.

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