Feb. 14, 2020
Dear prospective parents:
Thank you for choosing Own-A-Clone Inc. to help expand your family. Soon you will have that child you've always dreamed of parenting. Congratulations!
In this packet you will find your DNA-donor choice sheet, fertilization consent form, and an outline of some of our most popular payment plans. Please return this paperwork promptly so Own-A-Clone Inc. can provide you with your newest family member as soon as possible.
Also, in response to some recent well-publicized lawsuits, you must sign and return this sheet, which details what Own-A-Clone Inc. does and does not guarantee.
Please be advised that we have worked diligently to ensure that all genetic material provided for your clone is authentic. Whether it's a hair follicle obtained from the body of Albert Einstein or a blood sample donated by Arnold Schwarzenegger, all DNA sources have been verified for your peace of mind. A mistake has never been made at Own-A-Clone Inc.
We do not, however, guarantee your complete happiness with the results.
As your George "Babe" Ruth clone grows older, you may indeed find that he is a superior baseball player. But you may also discover that he has a problem with obesity and is easily addicted to alcohol. Your young clone of Sylvia Plath may be extremely intelligent, an introspective writer and poet. But she could require Prozac most of her life.
As you may know, the most recent lawsuit involves a couple and their son, a clone of J. Edgar Hoover. The parents were thrilled with their boy's intelligence, drive, and aptitude for law enforcement. They were not very happy, however, when young J. Edger began dressing in his sister's clothes.
By signing this you release Own-A-Clone Inc. of all responsibility should your little Cher turn out to be an exhibitionist or your young George Washington actually tells a lie.
Thank you again for choosing Own-A-Clone Inc. to build your family. When it comes to having a baby, why take chances? Go with someone you know.
Good luck!