flashquake Nonfiction

FALLING FOR HIM
by Jennifer L. Baum

Sometimes, people get desperate looking for love. That desperate insanity was what drove me to try to learn to ski. My friends all assured me that it was a great way to meet guys.

I was a less-than-perfect candidate, with a near paralyzing fear of heights, and a deep hatred of cold and snow. Still, I convinced myself that I could conquer the bunny slope, victoriously retire to the ski lodge, and find the man of my dreams.

So there I trembled, at the top of the bunny slope along with five other adults. We all struggled to maintain our precarious balance, instinctively knowing that if one of us fell, we'd all topple like a line of human dominoes.

The instructor arrived with a suntanned "swoosh" and a pearly-white smile.

"Okay folks," proclaimed the king of the mountain, "First lesson. Fall down."

We stared at him, suddenly feeling like pre-schoolers on our first day of school.

"Fall down," he ordered again.

Five of them did. Like ducks in a row, they fell. Their limbs stuck out at odd, painful angles.

I looked down at the maimed fools. I looked at the instructor.

"F-a-l-l d-o-w-n," he intoned slowly, assuming that my IQ had plummeted along with the temperature.

You've got to be kidding me! I don't just fall down, into the cold wet snow, just because you say to.

"Why?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips indignantly.

I think his answer was something like, "To learn how to stop". I'm not really sure, because the moment I put my hands on my hips, I started to slide. Backwards!

Panicked, I used every ounce of my strength to defy gravity and remain upright.

"Stop! Fall down!" the instructor urged, as I gained speed, sliding backwards down the hill.

My ski poles flailed wildly as I tried to stop my descent. I couldn't see where I was headed. I was going faster and faster. I lost first one pole, than the other. The world was flying past in a backward blur.

"Fall down!" the instructor yelled one last time, as he whizzed past me, to save the lives and limbs of others.

"Look out! Get out of the way!" he warned innocent skiers ahead of me. Still I fought tenaciously for the little balance I had left.

I made it all the way down to the bottom of the hill, backwards, without falling.

Then I ran out of snow, up onto gravel, and I finally, finally, fell down.

He swooshed over to me, and bestowed his perfect smile on me.

I should have fallen for him from the start.

Copyright 2003 by Jennifer L. Baum

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