|
(The three are sitting around a table that has a half-eaten cake on it.
Leo and Mia are
eating cake. Sue is sipping from a coffee cup and twisting a strand of
her hair.) |
| MIA: |
Now, Sue, are you sure that you won’t try a piece of cake? |
| SUE: |
(Emphatic) Positive. I’ve gotta keep my figure if I want to keep
getting modeling
jobs. But thanks. It was real sweet of you to cook dinner for me and Leo
for our
anniversary and stuff. How’d ya become such a good cook? |
| (Sue looks at her shoe instead of Mia.) |
| MIA: |
Oh, my papa owned a small restaurant when I was a child. My mama died very young, so I grew up in the restaurant’s kitchen. I was chopping onions and making Marinara by the time of my sixth birthday. My papa always said that if I
could cook, I’d marry a good man. Well, here I am an old maid. |
| (Mia and Leo glance suggestively at each other. Sue’s full attention is
on her shoes.) |
| SUE: |
(Looking up at Mia) So, what happened to the restaurant? |
| MIA: |
It’s a sad story. Torricelli’s was burned to the ground one night.
There were rumors
floating ‘round that the Sunseri’s of Sicily’s Kitchen down the block
started it. Nothing
could be proved and my Papa couldn’t afford to rebuild. So, he became a
butcher.
(Shaking her head) He died a broken man. |
| SUE: |
That is sad. |
| LEO: |
(Gulping loudly) Oh, it is. I’m so sorry, Mia. But mmmm, you are a
culinary
goddess. And yes, Mia, thank you sooo much for cooking for us. |
| MIA: |
(Blushing) Thank you, Leo. I love to cook. I guess you could call
it my passion. |
| LEO: |
Eating food is my passion. |
| SUE: |
(Excitedly) Oh, my passion’s Enrico Boccaccio. |
| (Leo and Mia stare blankly at her. Sue produces her foot on the table
next to the cake and
points to it.) |
| SUE: |
You knooow. The Italian shoe designer. |
| (Leo and Mia continue to stare blankly. Sue returns her foot to the
floor.) |
| SUE: |
Anyway, his work is so totally fabulous. I met him at a show in New York
last fall. He is
to die for. I swear that man could staple leather strips to my feet and
I’d have an orgasm. |
| (Leo and Mia are still staring.) |
| SUE: |
Well, I guess you wouldn’t understand. Anyway, we better be going. I’ve
got a big job in
the morning and I’d like to get in bed early. |
| (Sue winks at Leo.) |
| LEO: |
(Swallowing audibly) Ah, yes. Well, I’ll just help Mia with the
dishes and we’ll be
on our way. |
|
SUE: |
(Standing) All right. Take your time. I’ll be in the car trying on
some of my new
shoes. |
| (Sue exits.) |
| LEO: |
(Grabbing Mia’s hand) Oh, Mia, Mia, Mia, my love. I can’t keep this
charade up. I
have to leave that silly vixen. I must have you, my love. |
| MIA: |
(Retracting her hand) Oh, Leo, this is ridiculous. You and Sue have
been together
for four years now and she simply adores you. How can you be such a
beast to her? She’s
gorgeous and young and sexy, why thousands of men would be just green
with envy. |
| LEO: |
I know, I know, but I hate always sneaking around like this. Our
lunch dates are
wonderful, Mia, they are. Well, they’re actually all I have to look
forward to, but I want
dinner, Mia, dinner and breakfast too. I want every meal with you. Oh,
Mia, I have an
insatiable appetite. |
| MIA: |
Oh, I know, but you just can’t leave Sue. Leo, she’s so young and
fragile. You’d
break her heart. Perhaps, the two of you could come over for dinner on a
regular basis. |
| LEO: |
(Disgustedly) No, Mia, no. You can’t know how much it pains me to
watch her
play with the fantastic food that you have labored to create. She
doesn’t eat anything, just
moves it around on the plate. Your divine recipes are completely wasted
on her.
(Pounding a fist on the table) That girl has absolutely no appreciation
for higher
nourishment. |
| MIA: |
Well, if that’s how you feel about, maybe we could sneak off on the
weekends and
have a picnic. You’d love the basket I could prepare. I’ll make you wild
mushroom and
herbed feta panini, peppery chicken salad with melons and papaya, and
gingerbread
biscotti. |
| LEO: |
I love everything you prepare; that’s not the problem. The problem
is I cannot help
myself. I want my life to be an endless feast of your savory dishes. Oh,
like that delicious
weekend when Sue was in Europe. That was such a heavenly time with you.
Whenever
I’m feeling low, I playback that weekend in my mind. (Dreamily) Waking
to the smell of
your lemon blueberry scones baking and retiring to my bed in the evening
with your rum
praline encrusted cheesecake still on my lips. Oh, and how you would
surprise me during
the day with little snacks like those flash-cooked salmon strips with
shitake mushrooms
and green grapes. Oh, and that was the first time I sampled your
luscious crabmeat
lasagna and Gorgonzola stuffed filet mignon. (Hurriedly and gasping)
Apricots and
chocolate; port and pecans. Oh, Mia, I love you. |
| MIA: |
(Flushed) Well, Leo, we cannot live out our fantasies like we did
that weekend.
Sue is your wife and she’s waiting for you right this very minute. |
| LEO: |
(Sighs) Yes, Sue is waiting; waiting for me to have sex with her.
That’s all she
cares about. (Lowering and shaking his head) Sex, sex, sex. |
| MIA: |
(Shaking her index finger at him) You knew she was a nymphomaniac
when you
married her. Do you know how many men... |
| LEO: |
(Interrupting) I know, I know. Well, I was a different man four
years ago. I didn’t
know you then and honestly all I cared about was sex. Everything is
different now. Back
then, all I wanted to do was get in the sack with a sexy woman and now,
now I just want
to experience the perfect muffuletta. (Boyishly) Can you make me a
muffuletta, Mia? |
| MIA: |
(Patting his hand) Of course, Leo. I’ll make you one for lunch
tomorrow but now
you really must go. It’s your anniversary. |
| LEO: |
Oh, Sue and I don’t belong together. She’s got this serious
narcissistic foot fetish; I
mean the girl is only happy if she’s having a pedicure or someone is
sliding expensive
shoes on her feet. The last time we had sex, she screamed, “Oh, Enrico,
they’re
gorgeous!” (Sighing) I suppose I’m no better because the entire time I
was having visions
of your mocha eclairs being dunked into voluptuous cream puffs and fresh
cannolis being
twisted down into scoops of soft coffee ice cream. |
| MIA: |
(Blushing) Oh, Leo! That’s so graphic. Maybe we should stop seeing
each other;
it’s gone too far. |
| LEO: |
It’s what you do to me. I can’t look back now. I knew from the
first time I
consumed your Jerked Chicken with mango rice that I had to be near you
forever. Oh,
Mia, you are my gastronomic wet dream. |
| MIA: |
(Smiling) I remember your face when you tried that chicken. I must
admit that I’ve
never been so happy to cook for anyone else. |
| LEO: |
I know, my love, it shows. Please don’t ever deprive me of your
gift. I think I’d die
if I was forbidden to devour your juicy ribs with chipolte barbecue
sauce. |
| MIA: |
I must confess that I really only enjoy cooking when I know that
I’m doing it for
you. I think I’ve honestly become a better cook since knowing you. |
| LEO: |
(Nodding) Not just a better cook, Mia, but a more diverse cook.
Sometimes I think
you’re gonna give me a heart attack with all those rich ingredients that
you throw
together. (Breathing heavily) Oh, Mia, you’re the most exciting woman
I’ve ever known. |
| MIA: |
Oh, Leo, I love you. You make me want to try all sorts of new and
creative things.
(Getting excited) Oh, Leo, I wanna get ethnic with you. I want to run
out and buy all
Indian and Thai spices. Oh, I want to concoct curries for you. |
| LEO: |
(Getting equally excited) Oh, yes, oh, yes, Mia, I wanna watch. I
love to watch,
Mia. I love watching you from start to finish. I salivate witnessing you
handling fresh
produce. The way you teasingly sprinkle spices into a sauce is so
thrilling. (Getting even
more excited) I love the way you powerfully punch down risen dough, the
way you
delicately squeeze and pipe foie gras onto a sesame cracker, and oh,
just the way you
butter my bread. Mia, oh my beloved Mia, I am plum pudding in your
hands. |
| MIA: |
(Batting her eyelids) Oh, Leo, I could never stop feeding you. I
know it’s wrong
but it’s the only thing that quenches my desires. |
| LEO: |
I know that I must leave you but could we share one more piece of
cake? |
| MIA: |
Of course, Leo. |
| (Mia cuts a piece of cake. They both put a fork into it. As they each
accept a bite offered
from the other, Sue enters.) |
| SUE: |
(Screeching) You two disgust me. I cannot believe this. How could
you, Leo? |
| LEO: |
(Chewing quickly, then gulping) It’s not what it looks like, Sue. |
| SUE: |
I tried on twenty-five pairs of shoes in the car waiting on you and
you are still
eating? You are a pig, Leo. |
| LEO: |
(Standing and facing Sue) I confess, I am in love with Mia’s
cooking and no one
will stand in the way of my love. Least of all, you. |
| (Sue grunts and exits.) |
| MIA: |
(With a concerned tone) Shouldn’t you run after her? |
| LEO: |
(Sitting) Nah, she’ll be fine. If I know Sue, she’ll run out and
buy another twenty-
five pairs of shoes for her shoe armoire. Maybe a pedicure. (Using his
forefinger and
middle finger to convey walking on the table) Then she’ll strut up and
down the hallway
naked, except for shoes, pretending she’s in an Enrico Boccaccio fashion
show. She’s
really pretty self-sufficient; we shouldn’t worry about her. |
| MIA: |
(Sighing) Well fine, if you say so. (Grabbing his hand) Now, my Leo
love, what
would you like to have with that muffuletta? |
| LIGHTING dims. |
