| AT RISE: |
LORRAINE and TONY are sitting at a table with the remains of a Chinese dinner. Chinese teacups and broken pieces of fortune cookie are in front of them. An ashtray and a plastic tray with the dinner check is on the table. LORRAINE and TONY sit at adjoining sides of the table. LORRAINE is crying into her napkin. TONY reaches over to pat and comfort her from time to time during the scene. MANAGER rushes up to table |
| TONY: |
Are you the manager? |
| MANAGER: |
Yes, sir. Is there a problem? |
| TONY: |
A problem?! Just look at my wife! (to LORRAINE) There, there, dear. |
| MANAGER: |
Oh, my goodness. Is there something I can —? |
| TONY: |
—She's very sensitive. Lorraine's worked so hard to accept herself, to gain some self- esteem. Now this!
(louder sobs from LORRAINE) |
| TONY: |
(continuing, to LORRAINE) Now, now, dear, it will be all right. (to MANAGER) This will set her back years! |
| MANAGER: |
I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand. |
| TONY: |
(handing MANAGER fortune from cookie) Read this! |
| MANAGER: |
(reading) "Your overwhelming greed will be your downfall."
(loud wailing from LORRAINE. TONY pats her back, glares at MANAGER.) |
| TONY: |
What kind of fortune is that to give to someone with a (lowers voice) weight problem?! |
| MANAGER: |
I don't know what to — |
| TONY: |
—We come here, have a nice meal, are relaxing, enjoying a cup of tea. We open our fortune cookies and . . . Boom, Lorraine gets a slap in the face for dessert! |
| MANAGER: |
So sorry, sir. I don't know how that fortune got into — |
| TONY: |
— Who makes your cookies — an insult factory? Are they sorted into categories, so that when you have a customer with a weight problem, you can make sure she gets an appropriate insult? Do you wait for someone in a wheelchair to come in so you can choose a fortune that makes fun of the fact they can't walk? |
| MANAGER: |
(shocked and distressed) Oh, no, we would never do that, Mr. . . . |
| TONY: |
(pulls out business card, hands it to MANAGER) Preston, Anthony Preston, of Preston, Preston and Smith. |
| MANAGER: |
(reading) Personal injury lawyers! |
| TONY: |
Yes. (snatching fortune out of MANAGER's hands.) I'll keep that, thank you. As evidence. I'm planning to sue. For the severe emotional distress you caused my wife. To make sure no one else is subjected to such a thing! |
| MANAGER: |
Surely that's not necessary, sir. I'm sure we can work this out. |
| TONY: |
I don't think so. |
| MANAGER: |
I'll call the supplier right away. Find out what happened. It will never happen again. |
| TONY: |
I'm glad to hear that. (gestures at LORRAINE) But I'm afraid the damage is done. (to LORRAINE) Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll get you out of here. (picks check off table, reaches for his wallet.)
Let me just pay the check. |
| MANAGER: |
(grabs the check out of TONY's hand.) I'll take care of that, sir. Please, I insist. Our reputation is impeccable. We'd like to keep it that way. What happened was unfortunate. A mistake. We'd be happy to fix it any way possible. |
| TONY: |
(hesitating) Well, perhaps . . . maybe, it really wasn't on purpose . . . I suppose I could . . . (searches for word) reconsider. You're being so very responsive and all. |
| MANAGER: |
I'd be most grateful, Mr. Preston. |
| TONY: |
Mistakes do happen, I guess. You do do a nice Sechuan Lobster. And your crab in ginger sauce is superb. |
| MANAGER: |
Specialities of the house, sir. Thank you. Please come back, try them again. Anytime. As our guests of course. |
| TONY: |
That might be possible. (to LORRAINE) I'll just get our coats, then, dear.
(takes coatcheck out of pocket) |
| MANAGER: |
(takes coatcheck from him) Please, let me, sir.
(exits)
(TONY looks at fortune in his hand, shrugs, crumples it up, throws it in ashtray. Taps LORRAINE, to indicate MANAGER is gone. She looks up, stops crying abruptly.) |
| TONY: |
C'mon,let's get out of here. |
| LORRAINE: |
(straightens up, opens her purse, takes out compact, peers into mirror, powders her face) Genius, Tony. As usual. There's a Hunan place I've got my eye on for next week.
(LORRAINE closes compact, puts it away. From purse, takes out envelope stuffed with fortunes. She flips through them, picks one out, holds it up in front of her, considers it.) |
| LORRAINE: |
(continuing) Hmm, for this one we'll get out the wheelchair.
(reading)"He walks tall who walks on his own two feet."
(satisfied, LORRAINE smiles, nods to herself, puts fortune back in envelope, envelope in purse, closes purse. LORRAINE and TONY stand, get ready to leave)
(MANAGER returns with coats and a flower for LORRAINE. Helps TONY and LORRAINE with their coats, hands LORRAINE her flower. She smiles and nods to thank him. She links her arm through TONY's. Watched by MANAGER, they exit.) |
| LIGHTS DOWN |
