flashquake Plays - May I Help You by Wendy Brown

flashquake
May I Help You
by Wendy Brown

'MAY I HELP YOU' was first performed by the Mahara Theatre Group in New Zealand, 2001.

It's second performance was by the Far Off Broadway Theatre Company in Powell River, BC, Canada, 2001.

This is a two person play meant to be acted by one actor. It is written for a female but could be easily performed by a male with a few changes.Instead of 'dear', the salesperson would say 'sir'. Instead of 'business and political ladies' the salesman would say 'businessmen and politicians', etc.

The actor mimes actions (no clothes she is selling are actually on stage), leaving pauses for the 'customer' so that the audience will imagine the second character. The imaginary responses are in the pauses, indicated by a line of bullets.

CAST:

SALESPERSON - MIDDLE-AGED, OBSEQUIOUS

CUSTOMER - MIMED RESPONSE BY ACTOR TO IMAGINED CUSTOMER

SET: NONE

SALESPERSON IN SHOP ALONE, TIDYING OR SOME SHOP BUSINESS

SFX: SHOP DOOR BELL TINKLES

Why hello! How nice to see you again. Are you looking for something particular Madam?

...................

Another coat, you say? I was just admiring the old Self-Effacing model you have on. Why don't we hang that up over here for a moment while you look around?

...................

Well yes, it is a little out of date, we sell far more of the MeFirsts and Self-Aggrandizement styles these days but I've always liked the SE on you, dear.

...................

Oh well no, I don't think the Self-Aggrandizement would suit your figure type.

...................

Yes, it does look large, but it's really made for a very small woman.

...................

If you're looking to update your image, you might want to try one of our new Superficial trench coats. They're very popular now, and of course, a sporty look always fits in.

...................

And look at the fabric! It's one of these new micro-fibers, shiny, almost reflective but not really, and absolutely guaranteed not to stain.

Dirt literally rolls off it! Most of the business and political ladies are wearing them, they feel it gives a sort of 'populist' impression.

...................

Yes, yes, just slip it on - of course it would fit much better if you'd take off that heavy old Judgmental Jacket you've got on underneath ...just shrug it off, that's right. How about a sweater?

...................

The Integrity!!? Oh heavens no, they stopped making that years ago. Fancy you remembering!

In fact...why don't you try on something from our new line? We call them the Insinshearlings - 100% artificial fiber made to mimic the finest wool. No one can tell it from the real thing!

...................

There's a significant amount of lycra in these sweaters so they'll stretch to fit anyone and hide a multitude of figure faults, not that you have any of course.

Why,I'm wearing one myself.

...................

There, just ease into the trench coat. See how well the Superficial fits now?

...................

Why, you're a new woman! I'd hardly recognize you, my dear.

CURTAIN