flashquake JACK FLASH was performed by the Far Off Broadway Theatre Company at the Patricia Theatre, Powell River, BC, Canada in their production of FLASH!, June 1st and 2nd, 2001. |
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JACK: (TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SHAKE PLUMB OFF THUMB) Godamn plum! GIANT: (ENTERS) Hey man. JACK: (COWERS IN FEAR) Yow! The Giant!!!! GIANT: (MAKES PEACE SIGN WITH FINGERS) Relax, Jack. JACK: You're not going to eat me? GIANT: Nah - I'm over that. Did some Anger Management classes. Changed my life man. JACK: (INCREDULOUS) How'd you get here? I chopped down the bean stalk - left you hanging.... GIANT: Jumped. Course I was laid up for awhile... JACK: Yeah well, you gotta know how to land. It's all in the knees. I practice jumping over candlesticks. GIANT: Not quite the same thing as jumping outa the sky, Jack. JACK: (SULKY) It's the same principle. GIANT: What's that on your thumb? JACK: Fucking plum. Long story. Forget it. GIANT: What's the deal with your head? JACK: Just trying to help my girlfriend. Fell down a hill, stupid bucket knocked me on the bean. Hurts like hell. GIANT: You still with Jill? JACK: Nah, she dumped me. I was pretty obnoxious after the accident. GIANT: (GRINS) Made a real jackass of yourself? JACK: Something like that. GIANT: You ever think about psychotherapy? JACK: What's your point? GIANT: Just strikes me you're a little hyper. Maybe you got ADD. Ever consider Ritalin? JACK: Fuck off. I'm fine. GIANT: (GRINS) I'm alright Jack ? JACK: You got it. GIANT: (SPECULATIVELY) So... you still living with your mother? JACK: (SUSPICIOUS) What's that supposed to mean? GIANT: Nothing, nothing... JACK: As a matter of fact, since you ask, it happens I built my own house. Very upscale, very swank. GIANT: Oh yeah - The House That Jack Built! JACK: That's the one. GIANT: Nice. Business must be good. JACK: Can't complain. GIANT: What're you doing now? Last I saw you, you were a Trader, right? JACK: Yeah. Working in bean futures. Gave that up though, went into lumber for a while... GIANT: Oh yeah - I read about it - lumberjack, right? JACK: Right. GIANT: So what are you into now? JACK: Well...gotta lot of irons in the fire... you know... GIANT: Ah, Jack of all trades, master of... JACK: Watch it Giant! GIANT: Calm down, Jackie my man. It's just a saying. JACK: Pisses me off, you know? It's not like I haven't accomplished anything. Christ - I was even royalty for a while. GIANT: Get outa here! JACK: Seriously. Jack of Hearts to begin with, moved over to Clubs for a bit, then they transferred me to Diamonds... GIANT: That must have been lucrative. JACK: No shit. Where'd you think I got the dough to build the house? GIANT: So what happened? JACK: Got tossed out of Diamonds. They accused me of embezzlement. Total frame-up of course, big court case... GIANT: Wow. Heavy. JACK: Yeah. They had me in a box for a while... GIANT: They jacked you around? JACK: Exactly! But I jumped out. In a flash, actually. Full pardon. They gave me Spades as compensation. GIANT: Yow! Some compensation!!! JACK: Really. It was a total dead end. Who knew? GIANT: (JACK AND GIANT BEGIN SLOW EXIT TOGETHER) No kidding. Spades. Jeez. JACK: (JACK STOPS, THEN GIANT STOPS) No problem though. Got some career counseling. Turns out I'm every inch the sailor. (JACK STARTS HUMMING THE TUNE) GIANT: (AS BOTH EXIT) Let's hit the road Jack. By the way, you ever consider a name change? CURTAIN |
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